Does It Matter
by GarnetAlexander
Summary: I'm not sure if it should be PG-13 but I think this game will warp any kid's mind...it takes place within the first few hours of game play and is about..yeah...basically, a introspective into a tiny bit of Fei's head...please r/r...


Does It Matter  
  
By: GarnetAlexander  
  
  
  
(A/N/-Okay I'll warn you all right now, this is my first Xenogears fic and I'm writing it as I work along in the game.I know about Id but I haven't officially reached that point in the game. I just stumbled up on some evil spoilers. Anyways, bear with me because I usually write final fantasy stuff..)  
  
~*~  
  
Fei could still see Lahan burning as the Gears attacked the village. And he remembered finding Dan in the city, carrying Alice's wedding dress.  
  
"Go on, Dan, you shouldn't be here. Timothy and Alice are waiting for you outside of the village," Citan told him as Fei stood staring at the horror erupting around him.  
  
"Dan!"  
  
"Timothy!"  
  
"Come on, leave the heroics to Fei and Citan. Alice and I were worried about you."  
  
~Adia I do believe I've failed you  
  
Adia I know I let you down~  
  
Fei could still hear the screams as they ran from the Kislev soldiers, trying to escape, and some actually made it out. Citan stood beside him as they ran through the city, trying to help people escape. It was chaos, and the screams only got louder.  
  
Then Fei found the empty gear, and without thinking he climbed inside of it.  
  
I'll save us. I'll fight back.  
  
"Fei you can't fight here. Not in the village," Citan called, as Fei ran after a Kislev Gear.  
  
~Don't you know I tried so hard  
  
To love you in my way~  
  
Fei still remembered how it felt to fight, how he felt so comfortable and somehow knew exactly what to do. He kicked the other Gear then fell into a typical fight stance, using his karate skills to his advantage. And somehow he beat the Kislev Gear, and he hardly even felt the blows that he had been dealt. And he failed to hear Citan's yells as he told him to fight outside of the village.  
  
~it's easy, let it go.~  
  
Fei was surrounded by Kislev soldier Gears, six of them, and one had a gun trained on Fei's Gear. He shot at him, and Fei stumbled backwards, noticing a Gear towering over Timothy, staring at him.  
  
"No, leave him alone! It's me you're after!" Fei yelled.  
  
And Fei blacked out, hearing a cold, cruel laughter in his head.  
  
~Adia, I'm empty since you left me  
  
Trying to find a way to carry on~  
  
A flash of light, and the horror-stricken faces of Alice and Timothy as they began to scream..  
  
Fei awoke on the ground outside of the Gear and looked up at the frightened faces of the remaining villagers, and the angry, upset face of Dan.  
  
"Murderer!"  
  
"Dan, what.what's wrong?"  
  
"You killed them all! Alice! Timothy! You killed my sister, you bastard!"  
  
Alice? Timothy? I don't remember anything..I blacked out and then..  
  
~I search myself and everyone  
  
To see where we went wrong~  
  
Fei wandered the Blackmoon forest, Citan's words still echoing in his ears along with Dan's.  
  
I think you should head to Aveh, you'll be safe there. I don't think you should return to Lahan. It'll be best for everyone.Murderer!!!!"  
  
And then there was that girl in the forest.  
  
~Cause we are born innocent  
  
it's easy, we all falter~  
  
"Stay still. Don't move, I have my orders to shoot any surface dwelling-Lambs-."  
  
"Go ahead. Kill me. I have nothing left to live for."  
  
The girl eased up on her gun but then was hit by a forest elf..  
  
"Elly!" Fei yelled.  
  
~Adia I thought that we could make it  
  
But I know I can't change the way you feel~  
  
"What's your name?"  
  
"Elhaym. But my parents call me Elly."  
  
"Somehow, I already knew that. My name's Fei."  
  
"Why is your life so worthless, Fei?"  
  
"It's not my fault. It was the Kislev army!"  
  
~Cause there's no one left to finger  
  
There's no one left to blame~  
  
"Why don't you take responsibility for your own actions? That battle had nothing to do with Lahan. They wouldn't have even fought you if you hadn't gotten in that Gear. That's all they were after."  
  
~There's no one left to talk to honey  
  
and there ain't no one to buy our innocence~  
  
She's right, it is my fault. Dan was right too and so was Citan. I never should have fought, especially that close to the village.  
  
~Cause we are born innocent  
  
Believe me Adia, we are still innocent~  
  
But how do I explain the way I blacked out and that Gear malfunctioning?...and that cold laughter?...  
  
~Cause we are born innocent  
  
it's easy, we all falter.~  
  
Fei went to sleep and his dreams were filled with screams, and a cold high laugh...  
  
~but does it matter?~  
  
~*~  
  
(A.N.- a songfic for Xenogears set at the beginning, during, and after the destruction of Lahan. Song used is by Sarah McLachlan called "Adia".For everyone who knows the song, yes, I only used bits and pieces and I had to reorder them..I'm sorry.all other work is original and mine.bow down.or something.)  
  
~Owari~ 


End file.
